A Spoonie With Central Sensitivity Syndromes In Pursuit Of Healing
So this is me. Christina. Born thirty-one years ago into this beautiful, crazy, intense, confusing, overwhelming, painful, magnificent journey that is life. My home has always been here in beautiful British Columbia, but I am now slowly learning to make my true home a place that lies deeply rooted within myself.
I am the eldest of three siblings and one beloved dog, who heartbreakingly left us in December 2018. My mother is Fijian-Indian and my father is Malaysian-Chinese, their mixing of cultures and skin tone and the resulting appreciation for all colours and shades and backgrounds in all people is the legacy they bestowed in their children and one that I love about us.
Truthfully, I have spent most of my life, from as far back as I can remember as a child, steeped in self-loathing, self-deprecation, self-consciousness, and crippled by insecurities. Why and how this could be are two questions I am still trying to find the answers to.
I know what it is to want to end my life, to not want to have to deal with my suffering anymore. It has been a long journey grappling with this part of me and my mental health, but it is actually one that I am proud of. Because the important thing to know about who I am today is that I know that is not the answer and now I am committed to life, a lover of life with the desire to begin living life joyfully.
Simple things like jam on toast, lighting a candle, wrapping myself in a plush blanket, warming my hands around a hot mug of tea, and being by the shoreside fill my heart with happy contentment.
Floating in sensory deprivation tanks are an integral part of my healing journey and a true passion. I likely would have never tried floating had I not gotten sick.
These are the things that I have either been diagnosed with, am suspected to have, or have dealt with (or continue to deal with): Central Sensitivity Syndrome (which encompasses many of the following conditions), fibromyalgia, allodynia, myalgic encephalomyeltisis, irritable bowel syndrome, pots, tension headaches, migraines, interstitial cystitis, vulvodynia, anxiety, and clinically diagnosed major depression.
I saved these for last because while they are a massive facet of my life and have been for many years, I no longer want them to be at the forefront of my identity. I am more than these illnesses. I am more than the suffering. It's taken me a long time to get here and I acknowledge that I have much further to go in reinforcing this belief in me, that I am more.
Thank you for joining me on this journey, friend.
With love & light,