Climbing Your Mountain
Sometimes when the well is dry and there are no more words you can muster from your core, turn to another, reach out, and maybe they will have just the right words you need to hear in that moment. My friends, I woke up today a very different person than the soaring, victorious, empowered spirit I felt I was yesterday. I am taped out. I am weary. I am physically weak. I am feeling the weight of the maelstrom that I've been swirling around in while surviving, preparing, reflecting, stretching, fighting, expanding, contracting, transforming. Today I am also a hormonal wreck. Honestly, experiencing PMS again after an almost decade break from it is hitting me hard. One moment I am a mental fortress, the next, oh hello hormones, and I am a puddle of tears and rage. This morning, I felt so off. So defeated and confused. With that anniversary now behind me, there stood the mountainous to-do list that has been backlogged and growing since I had my Big Crash in 2014. I felt (and feel) paralyzed by this towering mass, overwhelmed, not knowing how to even begin making a dent when right now I feel like I have the energy of ... well, I'm too tired to think of what has no energy. But that. It is not in my nature to reach out for myself. It is not easy for me to say, "I'm breaking, I can't do this, help me". It gnaws at me, it triggers the frothing forth of very uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. But this morning, I knew I was losing it. I mean, I was sobbing so there was a fairly clear sign that all was not okay inside of me. And so I reached out. I texted my Life Coach, Shannon from Live & Learn Seminars, one of my most crucial anchors over the last several years. I didn't ask for help, but it was a big step for me to even say, "FYI I'm having a full blown mental and emotional breakdown today from feeling so overwhelmed and anxious and paralyzed by that growing to-do list and never feeling like I have any energy to make a dent in it." And so she responded. This one piece quoted above in the image resonated with me. A reason to pause and visualize things differently. I may still feel overwhelmed but now I have a starting point: mulling over this new perspective and going from there.