I see you walking by me
Lady with the little sapling in her cart
Man in the blue baseball cap
Lady in the khaki slats and summer sandals
Nurse in the purple scrubs with a stethoscope
around your neck
I see all of you, walking,
walking freely without having to think
about how you're walking, how fast you're walking,
how far you're walking
I used to walk fast.
I used to walk faster than most people I knew.
I remember long ago, was it only 7 years? It feels like a lifetime.
I remember seven years ago going for a walk
with a friend. He wanted to stroll aimlessly
across campus, no destination in mind.
And he challenged me to walk slow.
To see if I could allow my body to slow down,
and relax into a leisurely stroll.
I couldn't do it.
I really struggled.
As I forced myself to take the
slowest of strides, I felt everything in my body
rebelling against this alien pace.
Several moments later, I would speed up and
he would tell me to slow down.
I always had the urge to move fast.
To not waste time.
To race from A to B as quickly as possible.
This was hard for me.
But I continued to match
myself to his slow gait.
Seven years later, I have to walk even slower
than that unbearably slow stroll
through UBC's campus.
I am a thirty year old woman who walks
like an ancient, crippled being.
And I have to watch everyone else pass me by.
I have to watch them take their ability
to walk with speed for granted,
just like I took it for granted.
They will never know how torturous it feels,
to look like you should be able to do
what they can do, but know that your body
just can't keep up.
What a different life.
So alone in what I now know.
From the vault | May 30, 2018 | 3:06pm