Alone. When the words first started flowing through my mind, it began with "I'm spending this Valentine's Day alone". But then I paused and caught myself mulling over this word, "alone". Am I really alone? How can I be if I am with myself and have myself to keep myself company?
And that is when I realized: I am never alone. That it is perhaps a disservice to myself and ourselves to use this language in a way that diminishes the significance of our individuality and the very real and fulfilling presence we have in our own lives. These thought patterns and words we inherit from the time we're born have led us to always look outwards and seek that which is external to ourselves. We begin to equate being the only person in the room to being alone, and then by extension, we equate that to being lonely. Which leads to feeling inadequate, forlorn, like maybe something is wrong with us. And that, my friends, is bullshit. Today, on this acclaimed day of love, I am not alone. I am grateful and excited and happy to invest this time and energy into loving myself and filling my day with the simple things that make me feel cozy, comforted, nourished, and joyful. And it's led me to reflect on something else: scarcity, in some ways, has brought me greater enjoyment and fulfillment of the things I have and led me to be more intentional with how I use the things around me. Because of my chronic disease, I haven't been able to work in over five years. I cannot afford to buy new things for myself or indulge in luxuries. But that has fostered a deeper awareness and appreciation for the things that I have chosen to bring to my healing home, whether they were purchased by me long ago or graciously gifted to me in recent times. I see the diffuser that I love so much from Saje Wellness and use as a tool in my healing journey and think of my dad who lovingly got it for me during an especially rough health period. It is running beside me, filling my house with the calming scent of the forest. My salt lamp from Float House is glowing, kindling joy in me. I used it to light my sage wand from Banyen Books, cleansing my space, inhaling deeply, meditating to start my day. I am warming my body with ginger and lemon infused hot water, sipped on in my favourite mug, something I bought after getting sick when everything was dark and I needed to do something for myself to feel light again. All day today, as the snow drifts down outside, I am going to wrap myself in the softest folds of my favourite and cherished blanket from Tofino Towel Co , the most thoughtful gift from my brother and his girlfriend when they came to visit me. And finally, because I've been saving it for today, I will light the Woodland candle from Canvas Candle Company that I was so fortunate enough to win from a contest by Kyla Richey and fill my night with its incredible and addictive scent while I reflect, read, and write, and then float in my float tent from Zen Float Co. I hope you too fill your days with what brings you joy and nourishes your being. That you plan in moments of self-care and self-love, but that you also honour what your deepest self is telling you and don't hold yourself to any plans you make. Be flexible, give yourself permission to tune in, listen, and do whatever it is you feel like in that moment. And remember, you are never alone. ❤