One Of Those Days
It has been one of those days that stretches you thin and wears you out. It has been one of those days that leaves you feeling bone-deep tired. It has been one of those days. Muscles ache, skin burns, jolts of pain flash across the body like wicked lightening. Thoughts become scrambled, words become slurred, it's all a fog. You know you went too far for your own wellbeing. You know you did too much for the kind of body you have. You crossed boundaries. You failed to honour your unique set of limitations. You barrelled past your energy envelope and used what you did not have. There will be consequences. The price required for using more energy than you have will be steep. The collectors have already come calling. There is so much pain. And more. But you self-sacrificed for family today. Because very soon you know you will be entering long stretches of time when the distance between you and them will be far. And the fragility and mortality of everyone's life now weighs heavily on your mind. The grief from so many losses is still fresh. It motivates you to drag yourself out of the dark room and be present and soak up those precious moments with them because who knows when the opportunities for such moments will end. You self-sacrificed to show love and care for the ones who have sacrificed so much to love and care for you in your dependent, chronically ill state. Today was a choice point. You made a choice. You were strong, you kept going when others would not have been able to, you accomplished more than you should have been able to do, you immersed yourself in family. But you did make a choice. Family and checking items off the to-do list over the wellbeing of your physical body. So don't be surprised and don't begrudge the imminent and violent storm. This is the price you must pay for having it your way. Now the ball's in your body's court.